Look out, here comes the tantrum

(We have hit the phase of tantrum throwing - ah, how I have NOT looked forward to this day)

Today I lacked in some serious energy.  I am not quite sure what is going on with me.  I even made Jon go out tonight AFTER he got home from work to get me a Rockstar.  Didn't help much.  I know that I am struggling with a lot of things right now.  Look out all, here comes the dump fest!

First, I am SO struggling with my self image.  It doesn't matter how few calories I eat or how much I exercise, I cannot seem to lose weight.  I hate it.  I've always struggled with weight - I've never been the cute little size 6, or even 8, girl.  And that's hard for me.  Especially when I have gorgeous sisters that are much thinner than I am.  HATE HATE HATE IT!

Second, I am struggling with some religious things.  I won't go into detail because I don't think this is something I should just share over the blog-waves.  But they are issues that I need to figure out and deal with soon.

Third, I wish I could find something to do to earn money so that I could help my hard working hubby out.  He is so awesome and never complains about me staying at home.  But I know he always worries about our financial situation and regrets not being able to do some things that people around us do because we just don't have the keesh. 

Fourth, I am feeling guilty that I do not want to have any more children.  I know my body and mind could not handle it.  I am so incredibly grateful for the 2 precious girls I have.  But it's so hard not to think about the what-ifs when women around me are having their own little miracle babies.  Oh how it tugs at the heart strings. 

Fifth, and final, Caylee seems to have discovered how to throw tantrums in the last week.  And oh how it is trying my patience.  When I have a 4 year old crying because she wanted to play with her friend next door but can't because said friend is sick, and then my 1 year old cries because I said that she couldn't play with the outlets, or the aluminum foil roll, or eat the crayons, or because she falls down because she is already crying...yeah I am having a hard time with that.  Shocked?  You obviously don't have kids or your kids are the most well behaved, well balanced children and I hate you for that. 

Okay, done with my venting.  Thanks for listening.  Don't call the mental ward yet.  I may just commit myself if you give me enough time.

I almost forgot my thankful thing!  Holy cow, if I didn't do that, I'd think that I didn't have anything to be grateful for after this post! 

Today I am thankful for modern medicine.  I am grateful for the medications that are available to us today - from cold medicine to pain medicine to antidepressants.  LOVE THEM!