Blessed

I'll admit it, when I'm laying in bed at 11:00 at night and think to myself, "Oh, I've got to pray," I'm not one to drop out of bed and offer up a real prayer.  It's cold, my legs hurt from standing all day, and my day has been so full of frustration that I really don't have anything to be thankful for.  So I lay in bed, give my prayers a quick go (the usual things that kids always pray for), and sometimes fall asleep while I'm praying. 

We watched "The Blind Side" last night.  What an amazing movie and story.  If you have not watched it, DO IT!  Growing up in the south, I could absolutely relate to the character that Sandra Bullock plays.  Tough little Southern woman, who doesn't take crap from anyone.  But she is kind.  She is generous.  She is beautiful.  Not in the way that Sandra Bullock is so obviously beautiful.  But a deep down, "I want to be like this woman someday," beautiful. 

And then I read Stephanie Nielson's blog this morning (as is my usual routine, she helps to give me a little dose of reality and gratitude).  Even in the middle of one of the biggest challenges of life, she doesn't give up.  I can't say that I wouldn't.  And her ability to see beauty everywhere and notice her blessings in little things (like having skin) absolutely amazes me.  How is she not bitter, how is she not totally depressed, how is she living every day in pain?  She is beautiful.  Again, perhaps not obviously, but she is beautiful to me.  I look at pictures of her face and she is beautiful to me.

Last night, I laid in bed and I thought about the movie.  I thought how ungrateful I really was to not recognize everything I was blessed with yesterday, the little things, things I take for granted.  And I prayed.  For the first time in a while, I really prayed.  I really am so very blessed.  In the midst of one of the biggest economic and moral struggles our country has experienced (certainly the biggest in my lifetime), I am so blessed - my husband has a job, we have insurance, we have a roof over our head and a car to drive, we have good food to eat, we have clothes, we have things that make our lives comfortable and fun.  And the list goes on.

And then this morning, as I read Stephanie's blog, I realized even more that I am blessed with - friends, family, health, skin, and a beautiful world to live in.  I've never really thought Las Vegas was beautiful.  Whenever we come back from Utah or Wyoming, I tend to cringe and hold my stomach a little as we drive into the brown valley, looking at the strip that I loathe so much.  But today, I got up and saw the sun, I am grateful I don't have to dig out of the snow, I'm grateful that I get to swim 6 months out of the year and grill all 12.  Again, little things I take advantage of. 

Sometimes I have been angry and bitter about having PCOS.  I have been angry that some of my friends have PCOS, and they are good people!  They deserve to have children!  They are amazing women who are being denied blessings of children because of this awful disease.  One of those friends wrote me yesterday morning, hoping she was pregnant.  By the afternoon, she knew she was not.  I have been there, it is painful, excrutiatingly painful.  Today, I am grateful that I have been blessed with the 2 beautiful girls I have, that I was able to conceive, carry them full term, and give birth to them.  And although they will be the only babies I have, I am so blessed to have them.  Period.  End of story. 

I know I didn't give you a wrap up of the last week, but I thought I had better put this down so that I can look back and remember.  Again, you can get an idea of our week on our 365 Blog.  I hope you all take a moment this weekend to remember what you are grateful for - really get picky, get small, and step outside of yourself and your busy world to think about everything you are blessed for.  You will be happier.  I am.